My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
40s are totally the cure
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
