Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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