so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
