you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
