Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
