He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
