My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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