its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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