just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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