when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
