theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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