Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
