is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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