Jerry, you need to find god
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
