and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
A+ Viking dick
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
