Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
