Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
The air taste purple.
Randomize