Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
