Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
