I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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