After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
