do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
