apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
