drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
