I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm having to shit out rocks
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
