Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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