I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
