Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
