I wish I only lived at night.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
you had me at cake vodka
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize