And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize