So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Someone signed my nipple.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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