Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
