I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
