i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
