Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
