4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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