so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
