May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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