i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
