Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
