I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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