my vag is so smooth its legendary
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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