I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
