I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I need help removing her.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
