I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
