My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
