And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
