The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
