let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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