I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
