Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
