So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
God, I missed his penis.
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