I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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