Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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