anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
