I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
