Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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