Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
