I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
