508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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