Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just threw up on my dentist
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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