True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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