i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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