We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I came so hard my ears popped.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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