She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
