i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
