last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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