just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize