Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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