I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
