1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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