i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
