I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
