You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
