remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
