I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
