my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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