a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
