fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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