been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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