I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
