I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
